Sunday 14 February 2010


Valentine’s Day got me thinking about love and relationships. The greatest lesson I have learnt lately is that when I focus on myself my relationship with my partner runs much more smoothly. In Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch, ‘God’ says that if we’d only focus on ourselves in relationships, and stop worrying about the other person, everything would be harmonious.

“Let each person in relationship worry about Self – what Self is being, doing, having; what Self is wanting, asking, giving; what Self is seeking, creating, experiencing, and all relationships would magnificently serve their purpose.”

It's an interesting concept to grasp at first as it appears to go against everything we’ve ever thought about relationships – that in love you put the other person ahead of yourself.
But I have experienced this harmony when I’ve concentrated solely on myself in relationship. It doesn’t mean we ignore our partner’s needs or trample over their dreams to fulfil our own. What it does mean is that instead of taking our attention away from our partner, nurturing ourselves first actually fosters more love, compassion, affection and attention. If we are full of love for ourselves, we are better able to love others.

This is all about what we are subconsciously projecting. When we are worrying about the other person before ourselves, we are unknowingly projecting a certain neediness which even the most adoring of partners will pull away from. When we are, instead, being true to ourselves first, loving and nurturing our needs first, we become more open and even more attractive to our partner. Not attractive in a physical sense, but attractive in our open, loving nature. When we are content in ourselves, happy in our own life, all of our relationships with others run smoothly. It’s about energy exchange – how we feel on the inside will be reflected on the outside. Our lives will be full of the same love that we have for ourselves.

Make your own happiness the focus of your life. After all, if you don’t, who will?

“The purpose of relationship is not to have another who might complete you; but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.”

This all comes down to not relying on others for our own peace of mind. Being in a loving relationship can fulfil a number of valuable needs, but our own sense of well-being - that part of us that sings with the blessings of life - can only be found within. External validation is fleeting. It does not answer our soul’s call for divine experience on earth. And that is all our soul wants in life - to experience the divine in everything.

So if we attend to our own needs, speak our truth, nurture our own dreams then we give our soul the experiences it craves. In turn, we are happier and more content and our external world will move to match this. Seek to be happy first and our world will become more magnificent than we could ever imagine.

To find our happiness, we must connect to our heart – it knows our truth, it is the gateway to our soul. Know what our heart truly desires and live our life accordingly.

Don’t betray your own heart.

That is the key lesson here. That’s what is meant by looking after ourselves first. If our own heart is nurtured by us, we will attract a nurtured heart in another and together the two will create a balanced, harmonious relationship.

“Agree at a conscious level that the purpose of your relationship is to create an opportunity, not an obligation – an opportunity for growth, for full Self expression, for lifting your lives to their highest potential, for healing every false thought or small idea you ever had about you.”

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Quotes from Conversations With God. An Uncommon Dialogue. Book 1


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